I don't know at which point this happened. A couple of years ago, if you made a search with my name, Mervi Eskelinen, it would have returned my site (the one that was here before) as the first hit. A couple of weeks ago I noticed my site was fourth or fifth on the list. So I decided now it's the time to stop stalling and launch the new blog. So I did. Nothing happened. I was still fourth or fifth. And the address was something like helmikuu.net/mervi/blog, which wasn't there anymore.
After some days I created a URL redirect from the non-existing blog-folder to the real front page. It seemed to be a mistake. The site vanished completely from the search. If you make a search with my name you will find some other people. Some, who most likely didn't even care about web back at 1998. Or didn't even know what it was.
A couple of hours ago my post How hard can it be was attacked by a flood of spam. Something about Canadian drugs. Besides the nice comments by a friend, Atso, spam has been most this blog has received during this short time.
For someone who has spent half of the time of their adult life online this all creates a bit of a crisis. Feels like I don't even exist anymore. I'm not there. In the eyes of most people roaming over web I don't exist.